By in Wealth


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Don’t Let Financial Infidelity Ruin Your Relationship

Imagine this, you get an overdue call alert from the video store for a movie (porn) you never rented. Up in arms, you visit the store to dispute the charge where you uncover your hubby’s financial infidelity. He has separate credit cards to fund his porn rentals, downloads, and has amassed $30,000.00 of debt!

Bethany and Scott Palmer, “the money couple”, have a combined 35 years of financial planning experience. Their extensive experience chronicles the pitfalls of money dishonesty between couples and what to do about this grave chasm of trust. If you are in a relationship, read this book and circmvent the travails of money mismatches.


  • The money is a symptom of underlying marital problems.
  • To circumvent money infidelity couples must practice healthy communication.
  • Money attitudes affect every decision we make.
  • This solution oriented approach helps the reader not only define and understand the problem, but offers actionable solutions to prevent and solve couple’s money problems. 
  • The book is filled with colorful anecdotes and stories illustrating the devastating problems of money and relationships.

The Quiz

I love quizzes! Take this questionnaire to find your Financial Infidelity Quotient and see if you have a problem. Sample questions include:

  • Do you have a credit card your partner is unaware of?
  • Are you comfortable with the amount of debt you have?
  • Do you have a secret stash of cash?
  • How often do you and your partner discuss money?

The quiz is a conversation starter and an excellent way to uncover disparate money attitudes. If you don’t know how you differ and what is causing a rift, you and your partner can’t begin to solve your money problems.

Money Personality

The first rule of human behavior is that you must understand a problem before solving it. By determining your money personality styles, you and your partner can begin to deal with the accompanying problems.

Kim, the daughter of missionaries grew up dirt poor. Husband Ed came from an affluent family, had a good job, and made a good living. Kim believed she since she grew up poor, and Ed made enough money, she should get everything she wanted NOW. Ed had more conservative ideas for their cash and resented Kim’s relentless spending. Their problems were deeper than the dollars and cents, but went to the core of their belief systems. Their money personalities were at odds.

  • Saver: These penny pinchers hate spending money and are thrifty on all fronts.
  • Spender: All money is spent. If she/he has it, the money gets used!
  • Risk taker: Believes in order to gain large rewards, you have to take big risks.
  • Security seeker: Planners are security seekers. These folks like to have their ducks in a row and their future in order. (This is my type :)-along  with a bit of the saver and a smidge of the risk taker)
  • Flyer: They just don’t think of money and fly by the seat of their pants. Many creative types fall into this type of category.

Can you see how certain types and combinations of money personalities can lead to big financial problems?


A review wouldn’t be complete without a taste of the solutions section. After all, it’s great to know you have a problem, but not so good if you don’t know how to solve it!

Continuing with the step-by-step tone of the book, the Palmer’s outline several solutions to get out of financial infidelity. At no time do they imply that this is an easy path and on occasion discuss couples who dig themselves out of a mountain of debt and infidelity, only to return to their former state! To whet your appetite, here are a few of their solutions:

  • Stop overspending! (Barb’s note; easier said than done)
  • Accept your situation and realize there is no shame in having money problems.
  • Do not blame! It’s easy to blame one partner or another, but that does not get you out of trouble.
  • Accept responsibility for your problems. You got yourselves into the mess and only you can get yourselves out.
  • Plan- create a plan to get out of financial trouble and stick to it.

 This book is for both those couples just starting out who want to begin their relationship on a strong financial footing and couples in long standing relationships. Those committed to solid communication and honesty will find the resources here to obtain a strong money relationship.

If you are already in a relationship with open and honest communication, you don’t need to read it! Just keep it up.

Book Details

  • Title: First Comes Love Then Comes Money; A Couple’s Guide to Financial Communication
  • Authors: Scott and Bethany Palmer
  • Publisher: Harper One
  • ISBN 978-0-06-164991-2
  • Price: $14.99


What are your biggest “couple money” stressors?  Not a couple, how do you and your friends struggle over money? Do you and your partner talk about money?